Sunday, January 30, 2011

Project times

These strange times, between eying a line for the first time, figuring out you like it, figuring out it is challenging enough - just enough to keep your interest - to saying oh, it's sooo good, to coming back, trying the moves, again and again.  And the positive feelings of the first serious attempts - starting to believe in the possibility of a send.  Overcoming the fear, from doing the separate moves, to leading up.  From leading to clipping all draws instead of grabbing them, from clipping to doing a couple of draws at a time, up.  Forcing yourself - cold days, tired days, standing below with no energy left - and coming down full of excitement.  To serious tries, where you surprise yourself, you get over another move, and another move.  You set goals, and get there - maybe not today, but tomorrow.  Another miraculous foot appears, another climber sends the route.  You watch, you think, you analyze, you try to optimize.  When your brain says "I can't", but at the same time your will power pushes you on.  Project times.

Then the slope gets steeper - excitement is replaced by days of no progress, of cold, of "why am I here", "i can't", of grabbing the draw, of self-humiliation in your head, of fear.  Black humor days, watching people send, always feeling inferior, not having boulder power, lacking resistance, pumping up, the miraculous foot slipping just when you thought you were really going for it.  The days when you feel like quarreling with the whole world over, when nothing goes well, when even climbing gives up on you, when you wonder about caves and dark places, when justifying, rationalizing, and waiting simply do not make it worthwhile anymore.  The clutches close, you slumber, you go down.

Then sun comes out again, the circle turns.  They come, they go, they repeat themselves over.  The dark times.  The bright times.  Project times.


hadrep said...

Forget the dark side of this trip, climbing must push you to the bright side of life: just wondering, just being amazed, just enjoying the learning...just saying "oh what a wonderful day, snow at the tops, dry rock and my tired body just being pumped by's exciting, the rest are details about the progress..."

you are sure close to eat salmon soon, yehaaaa!!

pd: never forget tu set your clock on, catalonia can be climbed 365 days every year...

Marieta said...

Hey, Julia!
Let me tell you something about dark times of your project. I mean, when a project becames a heavy weight and makes you feel stressed or sad because you cannot see any advance, its good to let the project sedimentate into yourself. So...if you feel like this you can leave the route for a week or two or maybe a month (but don't give up remember the moves). For sure when you return it will be better.
And if it's not a sad thing...will you return to l'Agulla this saturday? hehe -maybe i will if I know it-
Sorry for my english, i know it's very rudimentary

uasunflower said...

@hadrep - Catalonia is amazing, my favorite spot on this planet!

@Marieta - your English is good - probably better than my Spanish (ni hablar de mi Catalan), and i like the geological references! I will start training again next week, so yes, will (un)voluntarily have to let the project go for 2 weeks at least - that is only after the upcoming w/end. But before that - YES i'm going to be there on Saturday!!! I've heard from sure source that Sprint Final es una joia ;)...I also have your rope tarp (black rope bag) in my car if you need another incentive.

Marieta said...

burn my rope bag, if you want, i don't need more incentive than Sprint final ;) hehe

(don't burn it!)