Thursday, September 20, 2012

My life as a duck

Three months ago, my shoulder went.  I realized the seriousness of the situation only some days later, when the pain refused to go away.  The usual solution of resting a few days and a quick physiotherapy session did not work either.  The (semi-continuous) learning process had begun.

In my self-absorbed unconscious way, I first refused to understand, and pushed myself to the limit.  Familiar routes became my worst enemies.  The struggle against my own body, against my own rebelling flesh and blood.  It did not work.  I had to learn the meaning of the word patience all over again, letter by letter, sound by sound.

Work helped, having other things to focus upon, other windmills to slay, other countries to visit, other people to argue with centered my attention on other objectives, other proximate or far-away goals.  Summer slowly went its course.  People came in and out of my life, invisible and visible borders were crossed, missions were accomplished, others were failed.  Climbing was pushed to the background by the circumstances, by the impossibility, by the unbelievable but true unpenetrable resistance i found in my own body, my own flesh not agreeing anymore with my chartered path, that murky road i had subscribed to for so long.

Months since, i am still as unsophisticated in my understanding of my own body as before (?), i still make the same mistakes, i still try to overclimb, overachieve, jump above my head by the clapping of one hand.  That is not possible, constraints are all around, screaming out loud.  Mind can be strong, willpower can be infinite, but body remains the unperceived master, the submerged boss, setting its own rules, determining its own destiny.  Nothing to change? Nothing to choose? Comply and forget, rebel and remember?

Mushotoku del Andreu? Desapegue del Txema?  Or Borjes' jardín de los senderos que se bifurcan?  Will i ever learn?  Will i stop caring and finally grow up and out of the grade obsession?  Or is that the worst of possible sins?.. Only questions remain, only pain is real.


PedrodeGelida said...

Tranquila, el poder de la mente todo lo puede.Yo creia que nunca recuperaria mi biceps, ya lo sabes y mira me desaparecio el dolor,escalando claro.Parar no vale para nada solo hace al cuerpo mas debil y vago y asi te puedes morir esperando que se te cure una lesion.Con la perseverancia que tienes y la motivacion,junto con las manos de un buen fisio tal dia hara un año que te dolia el hombro, seguro.TU lesion tiene arreglo te recomiendo al fisio que solo en 3 sesiones me curo mi biceps!!!.Animos jabata, que aun quedan las mejores vias por encadenar!!!

TR said...

En lo físico estoy totalmente con PEDROGELIDA.

En lo anímico te recomendaria sacar conclusiones por tí misma, puesto que las soluciones sólo estan en uno mismo.

Ni los problemas vienen de fuera ni el exterior debe resolverlos...¿Quizas en realidad está en las tres teorias que dices al mismo tiempo? ¿ O crees que son excluyentes?

Que te recuperes pronto, y cuando vuelvas ( que sera pronto también) piensa en la oportunidad que tendrás de andar mejor sobre un camino del que ya conoces qué peligros depara...


uasunflower said...

@pedrogelida - gracias, bou, no paro, y intento ir adelante :)

@TR -

lou pape said...

Bonjour Julia,

Je viens juste de lire ce post - je suis desole pour cette saison ternie par cette blessure. Malheuresement, avec l'age, les choses ne s'arrange pas vraiment - les blessures se suivent et mettent trop de temps a se soigner. Je tenais a te dire que le secret et de ne jamais lacher - meme apres 6 mois d'arret ou plus, le plaisir de toucher le rocher est toujours aussi fort que lors de ma premiere voie il y'a deja ququ annees :-)... Je t'envoie tout plein d'energie positive - et pense a planifier un beau trip grimpe - ca aide le corps a guerir !


uasunflower said...

Toute blessure est apprentissage, merci pour l'energie positive, Olivier :)